What I Want In A Man

What I Want In A Man,
Original List ... (at age 22)
-----------------------------------
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 32)
-----------------------------------
1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 42)
----------------------------------
1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 52)
----------------------------------
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends

What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 62)
----------------------------------
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...

What I Want In A Man,
Revised List ... (at age 72)
----------------------------------
1. Breathing

hehehehe!

On Friends-Lovers-Friends

Question: Could you go from friends to lovers to friends again?

Well, I couldn't possibly have sex with a person that I claimed to be friends with. No matter how much you deny it, sex changes a relationship. Even if the two consenting partners told themselves that there would be no "weirdness" afterwards, it is highly improbable that such is possible. I do understand that some people have been raised much differently than myself and therefore have opinions which deviate from my own, but I don't see how such an intimate act could be thought of so lightly.

I do not understand why so many people seem to be offended with the concept, it's really between the two friends involved but Am I one of the few people left who views sex as something more than just a physical act? I realize that we, as humans, and basically animals, have a sexual desire that needs to be filled. However, I also believe that we've been blessed with many abilities that animals have not been, and one of those gifts is a conscience.

Hugs

Scared hugs
This is the hug that may as well have never happened. One (or both) of the people involved puts their hands on the other's shoulders and leans forward just enough to brush heads briefly. The feeling left from it is so faint you might forget within seconds that it even occurred. Else, you'll obsess over why you bothered in the first place. Women are usually guilty of this type of hugging. It can convey one of two messages. It either says, "I don't know you, and I'm afraid you're a psycho, so don't touch me again," or, "I don't really like you, but I'm trying to be polite."
Pat hugs
Also known as the guy hug, the pat hug has got to be one of the worst and superficial gestures on the planet. The parties toss their upper halves forward, reach around, and pat each other on the back. Between men, it's usually intended to say "Hey, I like you, but I'm not homosexual." I suppose it can be useful if your friends are homophobes, but let's get real. If anyone is worried that a little body contact will make one gay, they shouldn't be touching at all.
Sometimes guys give the pat hug to women, too. In those cases, it's saying the same thing as the "scared hug".
Bear Hugs
Bear hugs are great if they're done right. Some particularly strong people can squeeze the air right out of your lungs. That's bad. A good bear hug consists of full body contact and a complete, firm hold around the person. A slight squeeze is often presented, as well, though one should be cautioned against the aforementioned stealing of breath. Between men and women, it's not uncommon for the man to pick the woman up and sometimes swing her around. Again, caution is advised. You don't want to break her back.
If done correctly and between real friends, bear hugs say, "It's really great to see/be with you!"
Sexy hugs
Sexy hugs, like bear hugs, involve full body contact. There are two main differences, however. In the sexy hug, there is rarely any squeezing, and no one is getting picked up (well, not literally). One party lightly wraps him/herself around the other and presses. The sexy hug says, "I think you're hot. Let's have wild monkey sex."
Advisory! Do not attempt the sexy hug if you aren't absolutely positive the other person will like it/is interested!
Consoling hugs
The real consoling hug is not the same as the woman's version of the pat hug. It involves, at the very least, upper body contact, and the hugger will rub, not pat, your back. This is to say, "Go ahead and cry. I'm here for you."
Hugs between lovers
This is really an entirely different matter, and won't be addressed here.
The best hug I ever had
Came from a very special guy that I've met a year ago. He really knows how to give a hug. It was a full body hug, but completely unlike bear hugs and sexy hugs. He wrapped his arms around me firmly and stood there for what seemed like days (I wouldn't have minded eternity). No patting, no rubbing, just holding me close. When it was over, I was reeling with happiness and felt like I'd been healed.
What did that hug say to me? "I appreciate you and all that you are." Wow.. What a beautiful thing to say.

I Am.. Who Am I Again?

I was born and baptized IMELDA. I am MELDA for my classmates in grade school, automatically nicknamed MEL by my highschool and college buddies, called EMILY generally by most people, EM for some, CHAMMEH for my immediate family (for I was seldom called by my christian name in our household), named MALUNGGAY by my father (when he was still living), JEAN by some (upper class?) in my 4-years stint as a part-time model (the name I chose for myself to keep my privacy), EMI by my current boyfriend and alias YLIME (on-line).

When I was conceived, Ma wanted to name me after her favorite doll Emily. But then, my Granma interfered that I must be named according to the calendar the old fashion way (huh? don't ask! I have no idea) and so I was legally named Imelda (ugh! I hate the name actually). As a compromise, Granma had the final "authority" to name me legally and Ma nicknamed and introduced me to her friends as Emily. The name Chammeh stuck! (it was one of those "horrible" petnames given to toddlers) I am still (the pet?) Chammeh in the family. I used to hear my father calling me Malunggay (a deep-green leafy vegetable with small, almost perfectly round-shaped leaves) no need to ask why.. for I was so chubby and round-faced when I was a baby except that I'm definitely not "green"!

Having lots of names has its advantages too. Like when someone has called "hey! MEL!" (I would have known instantly it comes from a highschool or college friend and recalling the person's name would be easier!) "EMILY!" (chances are, a neighbor or a cousin). "IMELDA!" (would only come from the old fashions like my grannies and granpas, an old Uncle an old Aunt, or one of my old teacher, and Ma! whenever she's upset with me, hehehe..) "CHAMMEH!" no need for me to look out for I would immediately recognize mom's, or a sibling's voice. It's actually like having a database of people where all of them were grouped, labeled, and categorized!

I had so used with so many names that sometimes when people addresses me by a particular name, I could almost feel a "switch in personality" or a transformation? hahaha! kidding.. It's Irritating, embarassing and tiring at times to have lots of names. Especially at gatherings where my friends meets my relatives, and friends meets my other friends. I always end up explaining unnecessarily why people addresses me by different names.

That's the reason why I stear clear of speaches for example. For I'm not sure which name they'd be announcing! And how would I suppose to introduce myself?! "Hi! I am.. who am I again?"

Uhmmm.. I'd rather PASS!!! ~_^

Death and the Dead

Death.. just the thought makes anyone shiver to the bone. Who's not afraid of dying anyway? My fear of death hightens as people around me dies! What becomes of them? What really happens when we die? Does it hurt? It's easy for us (the living) to say.. it doesn't hurt, that the dead are now happy for their miseries are finally over.. that they are now gone to be our guardian angels, and a lot more (craps) to ease the pain of the grieving? or is it to encourage us (the living) to face death?

I was 6 years old when I first witnessed death in our family. From then on death becomes part of my life as death visited our home again taking my then 36-year-old father(pancreatic), just 6 years after my 42-year-old-grandma(ovarian cancer). He came knocking again 6 months later to harvest yet another family member.. a 26-year-old uncle(gunned-down).

I thought I've seen faces of death from all sides now (how he works) but I was wrong.. at 15 I was unprepared to learn yet another kind of death.. when a 15-year-old childhood friend died of suicide (hanged herself to the ceiling) I remembered only the shock I felt. I was so dumbfounded! I don't remember other things her mother told me except the words.. "she's pregnant and her boyfriend left her."

Numb.. yes I was numb from then on.. A cousin barely 3 years older than I am died of suicide (took a glass-full of pesticide), an aunt died mysteriously in her sleep (possibly killed by her own husband?) a 21-year-old cousin killed (by a hit-and-run driver), another cousin his older brother (found dead in a ditch after a drinking spree), granpa(emphyzema), another grandpa(diabetes), a 24-year-old gay friend (knifed-down by a homophobic maniac), a 42-year-old uncle (gunned-down in his own home while asleep), a high school friend/classmate/neighbor died (giving birth), an old suitor/friend (tuberculosis), my 26-year-old brother-in-law (motorcycle accident) and the list was never ending..

Like petals of a withering rose.. they're leaving one-by-one.. people I onced loved and spent happy moments with.. sad.. I can't still accept the fact that death is part of life.. for even I myself is part of this cycle.. will I die mysteriously too? of sickness? accident? will I end up taking my life in my own hands too? Never-ending questions ..

The only question I can answer is:
Am I going to die too? Yes, I am.. but then..
Who wants to live forever?!

The Path

"RUN!"... from what? "the unforseen ..the past ..from all the mistakes ..from all the people.. people you love, people you hate, people who made you hate other people, people who loves you, people who hates you, people who you wanna be with, people who wanna be with you.." and in the end you just choose to be alone.. why?.. 'coz you're suffocated! you just can't breathe anymore! you need air! lots of it! space.. freedom! But you are always free.. "am I? then why do I always felt bounded?" did I really chose to be this way right from the start? "I did not!I have loved.. that's what I'm guilty of.." That's right.. you're guilty! you said it yourself! there's nowhere to run! nowhere to go! you were condemned to live in captivity for the rest of your pathetic life! "No! please.. I was blinded.." for a very long time? "yes.." and now you can suddenly see things clearly? "No.. the path is still dark.. I still cannot see.. I'm bumping into things.. I'm crawling.. I can't walk! O God! I can't see! I cannot RUN! They're pulling me back! back into the abyss.. into captivity.. into the hole..But they said I'm free to go! Let me go!" and where will you go? "I don't know.." I know where you're going.. into another hole! and this time, a much darker, deeper hole where no one will hear your screams! your cries! your pleads! you are bounded to live in a solitary captivity! you said you wanna be alone? fine.. go ahead! kill yourself! "kill myself? did I say anything like that? my head is spinning I need to rest.. but time is running.. I can't think clearly.. I'm ill.. I'm hurting.. I'm dying.."
"Death.. the only option left for me.. then I would trully feel FREE! people will forget about me! yes.. the only thing for them to let go of me.. the easiest way out! no more ME! the path of the cowards.. the path of the losers there's no freedom from that! That would make them more contented! pleased! happy! they're pushing me to choose that path! NO! I will never give that satisfaction to you! so.. you'd rather see me die in vain than to be freed from your grasps? NO! I will keep on running! the path maybe bumpy and dark, I'm scared I confess but I will keep on trying.. anything to keep away from YOU! I will RUN! Run as fast as I can! No turning back! and if I stumble and fall into a much deeper and darker "hole" I will fight and run again.. no more pleading, crying and screaming. I'll just crawl and run again 'till the last breath I have.. then I'll die happy.. not necessarily "contented" but HAPPY! Happy that I never gave up fighting, Happy that I've gone far searching for the ellusive "happiness and contentment", happy that I don't feel scared anymore, happy that I have lived a little more than I should..
The path maybe dim and scary at times but that's a part of LIFE! LIFE is ADVENTURE.. ADVENTURE is for the BRAVE and DARING.. DEATH is for the WEAK.. ADVENTURE is LIFE.

The Distant Voice

It was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and
I was walking home from school.
The sun was shining directly on my face
Too damn hot I said to myself.
It was a boring walk actually 'coz I was walking home alone..
Ayun ung room nmin.. nandun ako knina I said to myself while looking back at the school building.
When suddenly:
"Wham!"
I was zapped!
Sucked and blinded by an unexplainable darkness!
I can't breathe! the air was thin, damp and stale.
OMG! where am I?
I hear a "drip" drip" and little noises that I can't fathom.
I hear echo with little movements that I make.
My stuff.. where are all my stuff? (questions started to flood my mind)
And my knee.. it hurts!
Then panic started to build inside me but I was too frightened and so shocked to move and make a noise.
And as I was trying to control the tears that was beginning to form in my eyes, I heard a distant voice:
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!! UNG BATA!! NAHULOG SA MANHOOOOOOOLE!!!"
(boses ni Aling Julie ung tindera ng bananaque s harap ng school)>.<

The Hostage

Ok.. back to our stupid games..
"Sumuko k na.. na.. na..na.." (echo daw un)
"Npapaligiran k n namen.. men.. men.." (echo ulit kunwari) shouted the moron twins who's playing policemen to d hostage taker (Mike my other stupid brother)
"di ako susuko.. ko.. ko.." (echo daw un kunwari)
"wak kyo lalapet... pet.. pet.." (echo ulit)
"papatayin ko tong babaeng to.. to.. to.." (taenang echo yan) while holding his toy gun at my head
"Teka! time-out!" I cried (gesturing the letter "T" with my hands)
"Baket b ako n lang lagi ang hostage?" said I
"Syempre! babae ka e! may nkita k n bng babaeng nangho-hostage?" asks my stupid brother Mike
"... wala nga.. eh.. basta.. yoko n ng hostage! kakatamad! wla ako ginagawa?" I protested
"O sige! wak k na sasali samen ha?" he said irritatingly
"O sige! ako hostage pero lalaban ako syempre!" I excitedly said
I saw a flick of excitement at my stupid brother's eyes upon hearing my innovative idea
GAME!
so I did my best (full of action) para labanan ang dimonyong hostage-taker
I was so surprised when my stupid brother Mike grabbed my neck and pulled the trigger of his toy gun and shouted:
"BANG!"
"O! patay k na ha? wak k ng gagalaw dyan s sahig.. tapos n papel mo!"
"Hoy mga pulis! kunwari mkakatakas daw ako tapos hahabulin nyo ko s labas ha? tapos magsusuntukan daw tyo kunwari.." said d script writer, director, and d bida at d same time
"Hoooooy! Teka! pano n ko?" I cried
"Patay k n tanga! di k n kasale!" they shouted back while running outside d house.

Live: In Concert

Ok.. so much for bruises, stupid games and gulpihan from Papa.One time: The adults left us all alone in d house d 6 of us kids (pero kutakot-takot n threat un pag makulit kme.. gulpe!)
So, with not much else to do, (bawal tv e) 1 of my stupid brothers started to sing:
"It's not taym to meyk a change, jus relax teyk it easy.. ur stil yang, dats ur folt.."
"Teka! teka!" cried 1 of d moron twins (my uncles actually)
"Tangna! Bobby! d nmin lam yang knakanta mo e!"
"Uu nga! Iba n lang! ung alam namin!" cried d other moron twin
"O sige! anong kanta?!" asks my eldest brother Bobby
"Eto! maganda to!" (d moron twins proudly said while holding a tape of Jackson 5's Christmas Album)

So Isinalang:
(with d volume fullblast)

Jackson 5: "I saw mami kising sta claws.. andernit d miseltow las nayt.."
Moron Twins: "He dident si mi crip.. dawnsteyrs to hab a pip.."
Jackson 5, Moron Twins, My 3 stupid brothers: "She tot dat I was lak up in my bedrum pas aslip.."
All together now: "Den I.. so mami kising.."
Chammeh & Mike: "kising, kising.. santa klaws.." (second voice un)
All together now: "Oh wat a laf it wud hab bin.. ip dadi had onli sin.. mami kising santa klaws.. LAAAAAAAAAAST NAAAAAAAYYYYYT!!!"

"bog bog bog!" (a hard knock on d door)

Am-boy Ahboy: (my mom's dorky cousin who happens to live next door):
"Hoy!! Ang iingay nyo! ptayin nyo nga yang radyo! Lakas nyo kumanta ng pamasko!! E buwan lang ng Mayo!!! Mga gago! magsitulog nga kayo!"

Electro-cute

One day..
I was playing doctor under d dining table (coz d stupid morons won't allow me to join their stupid games)
Then I heard laughter at d sala:
"wahahahaha! galeeng! isa pa! isa pa!" said 1 of the moron twins (my uncles actually)
I saw the 5 of them playing one of their stupid games again..
They're all lined-up from a wall, holding hands (the first on d line is 1 of d moron twins)
He was holding a fork (a twisted fork forming a letter "Y")
I was horrified to see him plugging d twisted fork on d live socket on d wall!
But instead of looking at a barbequed morons, I saw them all laughing and very much "high" with what they're doing!

"Sali akoooooooooooo!" (I said excitedly)
"O yan k n nmn! tapos iyak iyak k n nmn ke Papa pagtapos!" said 1 of my stupid brothers
"hindi tlaga! pwamis..." (with puppy-eyed look para cute)
"O sige! dun k s dulo! hawakan mo kamay ni Ronnie!"
"O game ulit ha?" said 1 of d moron twins

GAME!!!

Wham!!!

The electricity in d house went off!

My father came running in d sala (imagine d look on his face when he saw his precious little Chammeh lying helplessly on d floor and with d 5morons still holding d twisted fork)

"Lintek n mga INUTIL kyo!! Dapa!!!" (cried my father)

hehe.. gnun pla un? D ones n nsa dulo pla will absorb most of the electricity during electrocution. Good thing we're using a 110v of electricity s house so d gnun kadelikado ^_^

Peeping Em

One hot summer day.. I was surprised to wake-up at a very silent and tranquil house..
"Hmmm.. this is odd.. where are all those stupid morons?" (I said to myself)
After an hour of playing alone (kinda boring playing and decapitating paper dolls actually) I heard them all coming:
"waaa.. hush, hush.. antsakeeeet!" Said the first of d moron twins (my uncles actually)
"Tangna! lumayo k nga saken nbabangga mo e!" said 1 of my stupid brothers
"Oist! Mike! dalian mo gumupit baru-baruan! tangna nmn neto ambagal oh!"
"San mo nilapag ung mga dahon ng bayabas?"
"Waah! kuya.. antsakeeeeeeeeet!! huhuhuh! said d youngest of my stupid brothers

"Hey! What's wid all d commotion? Why are you cutting holes with that square cotton shirt? Are those skirts you're wearing?? Sali akooooooooooooooooo!!!" I said excitedly..

"Tangna.... si EMILYYYYYYYY!!!" (wid a horrified tone on their voices)
Wham! (comes a fist on my head)
"Lumayo kaaaaaaaaaaa!! mangangamatis toooooooooo!!!" (begged 1 of them)
I said: "Baket bah?? Inaano ko b kayo? panood lang eh.."
"Whamm! (another fist landed on top of my head!)
I was crying my heart out now.. and the more they tried to ward me off, the more I insisted to see what they're up to.
Then my stupid eldest brother found a bright idea..

When my father came home and found his precious little Chammeh hog-tied in a chair..

"Mga lintek n mga INUTIIIIIIIIL!!! Magsidapa kyo dito!!!" (cried my father)

Lesson: Tying me up wasn't a bright idea after all.. wahehehehe! di na lang kase sinabi ung totoo.. na nagpatuli kme! tapos!

Enter: D Black Ninja

So much for taggin'-along s palengke so this time, I'm stayin' in the house with my 3 stupid brothers and their twin moron side-kicks (who happened to be our uncles.. same age as I am).

Looks like they're all enjoying themselves with their new-found stupidity! (they all have this white shirt over their faces knotted at the back of their heads, each holding long sticks as samurai's and little pebbles as shurikens).

Whoah! They look like... NINJAS!!!

"dammit! sali ako!" I tearfully begged.."
"Di pwede babae dito! mga lalaki lang ang Ninja!" comes their unified reply
"Ah, ganun ha?" (I irritatingly said to myself)
So I ran to the closet and found myself a Black shirt:
"Hehehe.. perfect! Mas maganda outfit ko s inyo mga morons!" (I said grinning)
And for a much dramatic effect: I climbed on the top of the stairs.. then jumped directly on top of them while shouting: "Ako ang Black Ninja! wahahahaha!"
I took them by surprise! alright..
the next thing I knew.. they're all over me!
I was mobbed! waaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Actually, by wearing white, they all automatically became the goodguys and me the only one's wearing black became the bad ninja!
I ended up bruised and sore on the onslaught of their samurais and shurikens. Amf! >.<

D Long-Legged Em

Mama: "Chammeh! tra sama k s palengke para mtuto k mamili. Dali ka at gabi na!"
Ok.. ok.. fine.. (I said to myself) then I grabbed my puruntong shorts and matching XXL white shirt and my baseball cap.
When all of a sudden comes my long-lost Tita Nids s eksena:
Tita Nids: "O san punta nyong mag-ina?"
Mama: "dto k muna Nida.. Mamamalengke ko tuturuan ko si Chammeh"
Tita Nids: "Ate! ano b nmn yang itsura ni Chammeh? Bat d mo padisplay ung legs nyan? sayang o! ganda ganda ng kutis, long-legged p nmn.. dinidisplay yan!"
Whoooah!!! OMG!! Nooooooooooooo! (I said to myself maiyak-iyak n nmn)
Mama: "Oo nga e! Ewan ko b s batang to? parang lalake?" (while looking at my helpless legs) "Mag shorts k nga dun! Ung maigsi! dalian mo!"
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... AYOKO!!! God! what am I gonna do????!! (I said to myself again..)
While pretending to find a gaddamn shorts at my closet:
Em(ako): "Ay? ngapala ma! Lam mo nung dumaan me minsan s palengke, may mamang panget n nambastos sakin.. sabi b nmn palalakihin daw ako?" (maluha-luha p ko para epek!)
Mama: (shocked.. too shocked actually) "Potangnang manyak un ah! sige! ok n yan.. wag k n magshorts."

.. and I smiled my sweetest smile to Tita Nids..

Sayaw Kikay

Ok.. we all know about this thing mothers do to their little cute girls right?

The Sing and dance to the public ek ek >.<

Back then, we have a "little pwesto s palengke" and I love to tag-along with my mom kse I could eat all sorts of food from real to junk u name it, dami laruan, tsaka anlaki ng playground ko..

One day..

Matrona: "Oi! mare eto n b ung babae mo? abah.. anlaki na ah.."
Mama: "Ay mare kaw pala! Oo magaling sumayaw yan.."
Ooops! No! pls God Noooooo!! (sabi ko s sarili ko)
Matrona: "Abah, sige nga? ptingin nga?"
Damn all matrona's in dis world!! (I told myself again..)
Mama: "Nak! sayaw k dali! pkita mo k Tita dali na.." (with matching proud smile on my mom's face)
yoko nga.. (sabi ko s sarili ko)
Mama: "Dali n sabi eh!" (with my Mom looking like a fool already dancing for me to immitate her)
AYOKO!!!!!! (sabi ko ulit s sarili ko and dis time maiyak-iyak na)
Mama: "Ayan umalis n tuloy.. hiniya mo p ko.. Kainis ka.. ano b problema mo?"
DAMMIT ma! Can't u see? I'm already 12 years old!! >.<

maligalig

ok.. I'm "maligalig" and d name says it all..
don't have much to say pero I wanna share with u some exciting and not so exciting stories of my childhood (I said.. nothing much here to say didn't I?) wahehehe.. here goes..

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